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St. Andrew's Church
An Anglican Church • Grimsby, Ontario, Canada
Preached by
Stuart Pike
Rector
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Easter 2 C - Doubting Faith
St. Andrew's Church, Grimsby
15 April 2007
John 20: 19-31
I recently met a woman named Nancy who is dying. She has over the years looked after other people who were dying: her mother and then her father. But now it was she who was dying. The doctors haven't given her long to live. She is very ill.
She wanted to meet with me because she wanted to talk about her faith, her doubts and about belonging. She wanted to know if God would include her. She meant whether God would include her in heaven.
She was worried because, although she grew up in a traditional faith, and though she still is connected with that Church, she also knew that there have been many times when she has doubted in her life - even today she has doubts about her faith. She was worried that having those doubts might mean that she wouldn't be included.
On Tuesday I attended the Clericus one-day retreat which was led by Sister Marguerite of the Sisters of the Church. The reading which we used for our Eucharist was today's Gospel reading: a story of the Disciple who has been known down through the ages as doubting Thomas.
Sr. Marguerite pointed out that the first thing which is mention about Thomas is that he is a twin. And yet, there is never any more detail throughout the Gospels about Thomas's twin. Who is this mysterious person? Sr. Marguerite suggests that Thomas's twin is us - each one of us somehow mirrors Thomas in our experience of faith and doubt.
Thomas said that he wouldn't believe unless he saw for himself the wounds in his hands and feet and side. Even more than this, Thomas wanted to touch the wounds with his very own hands.
We, too, would like to have visual tactile proof about Divine things. We want to be sure, and yet often we wander a meandering path of faith and doubt, belief and uncertainty. And often we think of these things as standing in opposition to the other. Some would say that doubt is the opposite of faith. I think that doubt is the mark of an authentic journey of faith. Without the goading of struggle and doubt, we might just simply be marking time and not developing in our faith.
A friend of mine, when describing the confident presentation of a rather fundamentalist preacher said, "He sure seems to have all the answers, but what I want to know is: does he have any questions?"
And yet, so many of us grew up thinking that faith was about having all the answers, and never doubting them. If you had doubts, your faith was incomplete - or so we were taught.
I have come to appreciate, more and more, what Paul Tillich said: that doubt is not the opposite of faith, but is, rather, an element of faith. Doubt is the action of struggling in faith. And it is only in struggling that our faith is deepened.
Thomas is not there when Jesus appears to the rest of the Disciples who are huddled in a locked room. They are there because their Lord, Jesus had just been taken and executed. They were afraid that they were next. So they are huddled together behind locked doors for safety. So why is Thomas not with them? It doesn't say why in the Gospel story, but could it be because he is the only one who has the courage to go out?
Perhaps Thomas was not the kind of soul to mope around. Perhaps he couldn't take the fear anymore and had to escape it. Maybe he had people to see, or someone to take care of. Perhaps he was the only one who would go out and get the groceries! We simply don't know.This is the same Thomas, though, who, when Jesus was preparing to go to Jerusalem for the last time and the other disciples were afraid of the danger, this Thomas said "Let us go with him so that we may die with him."
I will always think of Thomas as ‘courageous Thomas', yet, it seems that the world can only think of him as doubting Thomas. Thomas didn't want to simply believe the other disciples: he wanted what they had: a personal experience of the risen Lord.
Thomas, courageous though he might be, did learn that Jesus is experienced in community. And it is only when he is back in community with the rest of the disciples that he too experiences Jesus first hand.
We also learn from this story that faith isn't about believing intellectually, but it is about experiencing the divine.
A former professor of mine, Peter Davidson, writes about people who say that they don't believe in God. If you ask them, he writes, what kind of God they don't believe in, you often find that you don't believe in that kind of God either.
This story of Thomas shows me that bringing people to faith isn't about telling people what they have to believe, but it is about welcoming others into a community of people who have experienced Jesus in their own lives. In such a community they too can experience the risen Lord.
Nancy is now just at the realization that she is part of a community which knows the Lord, Jesus, and that our faith is not about never having any doubts, but is about being a member of this community. It is about belonging, and this community proclaims the message of God's amazing love for us all that he sent Jesus to welcome us into his Kingdom. She most definitely is included.
Edward Schillebeeckx wrote "Christianity is not a message which has to be believed, but an experience of faith that becomes a message."
I know that I feel most deeply enveloped in faith when I am closest to realising that God is mystery. And I feel strongest in my faith not when I'm smugly sitting in the absolute certainty of a set of doctrines, but when I am up on my feet and am trying to do what Jesus would have me do.
Jesus' message was never: believe this, but it was: do what I do.
So, if you doubt at times: good, bring those doubts with you into this community. God doesn't reject us for our doubts. God, rather, invites us into a relationship with Jesus which, amazingly, can be both mystery and yet experienced. And Jesus, then, tells us to follow him into his way. Amen.
